Stock Market Aficionados Gifts

'Three stars means the stock has been approved by Alan Greenspan, Ben Bernanke, and Janet Yellen.'

The stockholders love our annual report! Scratch and sniff our bottom line and it smells like money!

'Wow! look how much they're getting for base metals these days.'

'Looks like another rash of stock sell-offs.'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

A child runs an equity stand.

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

Dow Jones drop

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

Smiling businessman with rising profits

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

Jumping Wall Street.

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You