Stock Market Buffs Gifts

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'Today stocks acting 'funny peculiar' outnumbered 'funny ha-ha' stocks by a 2-1 margin.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

The day the stock market went UP.

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

A child runs an equity stand.

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

Dow Jones drop

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

Smiling businessman with rising profits

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

Jumping Wall Street.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'