Stock Market Buffs Gifts

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'Today stocks acting 'funny peculiar' outnumbered 'funny ha-ha' stocks by a 2-1 margin.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

The day the stock market went UP.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

A child runs an equity stand.

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

Dow Jones drop

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Smiling businessman with rising profits

Jumping Wall Street.

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?