Stock Market Buff Gifts

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

'Stocks declined on news that everyone is playing online poker instead of playing the stock market.'

'Congratulations, Mr Henderson, Your gross income has just become a totally gross income!'

'Harold took the advice of the 'experts' and only invested in things he understood, which is why our portfolio consists entirely of Anheuser-Busch and Phillip Morris.'

Free Pair of Garden Clippers to our new Hedge Fund Investors.

'I don't answer questions about investments. The subject is much to complicated and best left to professional advisors.'

'Check how the Dow is doing.'

'He said his first words today - 'dividend reinvest'.'

'I see a great future in pork bellies!'

"How your 401(k) outperformed the dow five years in a row is not the kind of action thriller we're looking for."

"Buy low, sell high. That's all I know about the birds and bees, Harland."

'Hi, I brought along the small investors!'

'Today, energy stocks rose on news that Jay Leno drives 84 cars.'

'Boss, I was kidding you! It's our contributors' stock rates, not ours!'

'Money, I'm home!'

'This fortune cookie says 'Sell your GM stock and invest in Toyota to make lots of money'.'

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

Man reading 'The Penny Stock that Roared.'

'Pssst! How do we go about telling him we're interested in growth stocks?'

"May I suggest that you take a look at the market and then see if you still want to play?"

"Due to market fluctuations, magic beans were a safer bet."

"All I know is I bought one of Martha Stewart's candles once and it was lovely."

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."