Stock Market Enthusiast Gifts

"Stocks can be risky, and you've got to be able to sleep at night. We'll set aside half your money for sleeping pills."

"He manages a broad stock index fund."

Company man

"On Wall Street today, the stock market corrected its previous correction, and is pretty sure it's got it right this time."

Thanks a Mil, Warren!

'I made a real killing on the stock market today. I shot my broker.'

A two dollar stock sounds like a perfect investment...

'J.B., there's not enough ROI on the IPO, YTD.'

'Borrow 50p? Sorry, I'm staying out of the sub-prime lending market.'

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

Investor walks tightrope graph balancing risk and reward.

'Good day in the market?'

'The price of a stock will fluctuate on these three factors...'

"Santa, snow is falling." "Sell snow!"

'With my brains and your money, we have nothing to lose but your money.'

'As long as he continues to come up with brilliant investment strategies we leave him alone...'

Ask About our Free Investment Advice: 'The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed investment advice for a fee.'

'The downside of investing in this stock is it might go down. The upside is it might go up.'

'If that doesn't set your tail to wagging, nothing will.'

'All this internet trading has caused you to neglect your children!' 'What children?'

'Do you have any 'Congratulations on your I.P.O.' cards?'

'I just checked my portfolio and it's worth a small fortune. Unfortunately, I started with a large fortune.'

'You know, what we need to turn this around is...a rumor.'

'Yes, it went from 100 to 2, which is down 98%, but then it went from 2 to 4, which is up 100%, so you're ahead.'

"All of the economic indicators I've seen are pointing up."

Ron adopted an unorthodox approach to making investment decisions.

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

'I've got a great system. I just pick the same stocks Ed does.'

'Did you apply for our execution only service?'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

'I'm going to recommend a stock that has consistently outperformed the market since this afternoon.'

'I am going to recommend a stock that has consistently outperformed the market since Tuesday.'

A homeless man stands next to a sign that says 'Didn't diversify'."