Stocks Enthusiast Gifts

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"Medical science hasn't come up with a pill specifically for 'stock market jitters."

Economic parameters.

I want flash trading...yesterday!

'Now that I have your attention...'

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

The day the stock market went UP.

Profit

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Wall Street Couch

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Day trading.

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

A child runs an equity stand.

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."