Wall Street Novice Gifts

'Tell me again. What do we do with pork bellies?'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"First time pruning?"

Today we learned to count to one.

Babies vs. Dogs

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

'I'm going to teach you the value of a dollar invested.'

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

"I'm surprised, Caswell. I thought you were a happy camper."

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

'Alex we talked about this, you can't bring live things home from the lake. . . no buts, they don't want to leave the lake. Let your little friends go.'

"Triple whammy."

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

A stripe of stockbrokers

'Son, someday you're going to be short all of this.'

Tonight's Topic. How To Make a Killing In The Stock Market. I made a killing in the market once, but the only casualty was my investment.

Look, dork, I won't ask again. Will you help me use a computer? Maybe. What for? Internet Scrabble. I hear it is possible to play – what is the word? Online? I should like to send data over cyberspace. Through cyberspace.

If only we could sell shares in doom and gloom.

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

Bull Riding on the Stock Market

'Psst. . . tell me about your 'obscene dividend' fund.'

"Yes, They're all fine thanks, Max - how's your portfolio?"

'Junior, if you don't do your homework and stop daytrading, we'll have to freeze your assets!'

Bank manager reads book entitled: Banking for Dummies.

"You want me to recommend that stock? It's done more reverse splits than the Rockettes."

Caution: Falling Businessmen - A Sign of the Times

'Believe it or not there actually was a time when we accepted money for executing trades up to 5,000 shares.'

'I just got back from Wall Street.'

'The bonuses are in. You buy lunch, I'll buy the restaurant.'