Stock Market Newbie T-Shirts

'I'm going to teach you the value of a dollar invested.'

'I must admit, I've never seen a decline like this in the three hours I've worked in the industry.'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

The day the stock market went UP.

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

A child runs an equity stand.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

Dow Jones drop

Jumping Wall Street.

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Smiling businessman with rising profits

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

'I've never seen a stock crash so hard.'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

"Oooh! I think I just felt our stock split."

Counting my Bonus...