Finance Nerd Gifts

Great Chinese Dynasties

'A penny for my thoughts - you must be joking!'

'Luigi wants to know if you have considered consolidating all your existing debts into one manageable monthly payment?'

"Forecasters predicted the market would rebound 'just because'."

'Why not invest that money in 'Tooth Fairy PLC'? Send for a prospectus now.'

'The National Debt just sounds like it's a lot of money because it's such a large number.'

PFI-Pod - doesn't work,

Inland Revenue Area 4 - No dependants, no deductions, no allowances, you poor devil.

The End of Trump?

"This ATM isn't intelligent - it's giving me cash."

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

"It's agreed then. We'll merge our company's hilariously overvalued stock portfolio with your labyrinth of quasi-legal shell corporations, toss a bone to the stockholders, give ourselves ENORMOUS bonuses, and worry later about how to make it all work!"

OXI

IRS Cuts

Reverse piggy bank

'We're all wearing them - they were a gift from Warren Buffett.'

'Two new NBA franchises: The 'Wall Street Bulls' and the 'Main street bears'.'

'Yah, well I have a large twitter following, as well.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off by as much as two dollars.'

Manifest Destiny for Accountants

'Your Starbucks, McDonald's, and Hershey Stocks all went down. That shows you should never buy on an empty stomach.'

'You have no pension. Have you thought about running a pension in France?'

"I'm baffled...what does the word 'austerity' mean?"

Stocks were up today on news that most of us have no @#%^ clue why stocks go up or down.

"No, unfortunately I won't be raising your debt ceiling."

The Boom-Bust Cycle of Capitalism

The day the stock market went UP.

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Pi Ala Mode.

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!