Finance Geeks Gifts

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

"Well we'd value the company at either £24 million. . . less than £100,000 or somewhere in between. But we wouldn't want you to hold us to that."

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

'Oh drat. I just mailed off my last mortgage payment.'

The day the stock market went UP.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Great Chinese Dynasties

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

Mario Draghi

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

The best financial decision I ever made.

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

The Shrinking Dollar.

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

A Day In The Kitchen

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

"I'm teaching him to rollover my 401 (k)."

Slipping and sliding down the slope...

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

'For an explanation of the financial terms of this loan, please enroll in a continuing-education economics class at your local community college.'