Financial Neat Freak Gifts

'You don't have to get your receipts laminated, Mr. Streitfeld.'

The day the stock market went UP.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Let's get organized

Profit

Great Chinese Dynasties

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

"#Win!"

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Desk plaques: 'Money isn't everything' '...Which makes it no less awesome in my opinion.'

Annual profits,

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

Sweep the board.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

The Shrinking Dollar.