Funny Financier Gifts

"No, you can't pay in camels -but we do accept goldfish!"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Will work for ETFs

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

"Any chance of a couple of crumbs?"

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Worldcon' - financial statement fraud exposed.

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"And so as a hedge against this trend, the directors have decided to invest heavily in red ink."

A few Halloween costume ideas.

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'