Humor-loving Financier Gifts

'As a general rule of thumb, if your only assets are your frequent flyer miles, you don't need to create a trust for your children.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

Money Bar.

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

But under a different accounting convention ...

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

The Euro - R.I.P.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

White Collar Crime.

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'