Funny Finance Gifts

'You've got to help me, Doc -- My Diner's Club card is maxed out!'

'My husband will be able to pay you, as soon as he covers the call options he sold in the pet food aisle.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"That was a rumor day."

A few Halloween costume ideas.

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

Dog Beginning For A Loan

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

Masochism for stockholders.

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

tax

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

"Then it's settled -- our strategy is to hope for better things."

'I'd like to extend my overdraft...'

We have boorish stocks for boorish times.

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'