Funny Finance Pillows

'You've got to help me, Doc -- My Diner's Club card is maxed out!'

'My husband will be able to pay you, as soon as he covers the call options he sold in the pet food aisle.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'In tonight's debate, Ms. Johnson will argue the merits of accrual-based accounting, while Mr. Wilcox will defend the 'Don't Be Accrual' method!'

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"That was a rumor day."

A few Halloween costume ideas.

Dog Beginning For A Loan

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

Bookkeeping Club

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

Masochism for stockholders.

Canine Bank and Trust. I'd like my account to roll over. I'll go fetch it.

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

tax

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'I'd like to extend my overdraft...'

"Then it's settled -- our strategy is to hope for better things."

FIRST NATIONAL, TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

We have boorish stocks for boorish times.