Financial Funnies Pillows

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

Any luck finding a new credit source?

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"That was a rumor day."

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'Till debt do us part...'

Dog Beginning For A Loan

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

'My Dad won't let me tell what I did on my summer vacation...he doesn't want anyone to know where he set up his offshore bank accounts.'

'I've heard of cooking the books... but how did you rotisserie them and why?'

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

Masochism for stockholders.

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'Once upon a time, in a faraway land with a budget surplus...'

'I'd like to extend my overdraft...'

"Then it's settled -- our strategy is to hope for better things."

"I'd like a job filled with adventure where there'd be a good chance of claiming compensation."

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

'After reaching new heights, the stock market closed early due to an oubreak of acrophobia.'

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."