Financial Funnies Enthusiast Pillows

"Here's a blues number I wrote anout paying my dues with the cash back I got on my platinum card."

British savings accounts

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"At least we're consistent ... "

Out of control

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

The Decline of the Euro.

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

A few Halloween costume ideas.

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

Inflation is a national headache. . . caused by asset indigestion!

Budget Cuts

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

Dog Beginning For A Loan

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."

'Well, call it 'diet stocks'. Your bank account won't get fat because of the dividend income.'

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

Business men's lunches: Tycoons ?25, On the way downers ?2.50.

'Please remember that these figures could be off by as much as two dollars.'