Financial Funnies Gifts

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

Any luck finding a new credit source?

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'In tonight's debate, Ms. Johnson will argue the merits of accrual-based accounting, while Mr. Wilcox will defend the 'Don't Be Accrual' method!'

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"That was a rumor day."

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'Till debt do us part...'

'My Dad won't let me tell what I did on my summer vacation...he doesn't want anyone to know where he set up his offshore bank accounts.'

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

Dog Beginning For A Loan

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

Bookkeeping Club

'I've heard of cooking the books... but how did you rotisserie them and why?'

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

Masochism for stockholders.

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

Canine Bank and Trust. I'd like my account to roll over. I'll go fetch it.

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'Once upon a time, in a faraway land with a budget surplus...'

"Then it's settled -- our strategy is to hope for better things."

'I'd like to extend my overdraft...'

FIRST NATIONAL, TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

"I'd like a job filled with adventure where there'd be a good chance of claiming compensation."

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

'After reaching new heights, the stock market closed early due to an oubreak of acrophobia.'