Finance Funnies Lover Gifts

Bank customers all wait in line for fortune teller.

Jumping Wall Street.

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

A few Halloween costume ideas.

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

"Let us pray for the possessed...and the re-possessed"

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

'It's a bill collector!'

"I asked my investment advisor for something that was low cost, easy to manage, and also functions on its own. He suggested an index fund or a robo vac."

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'Great cash flow, Phil.'

American's Funniest Tax Decuctions

A great investment today is the one you didn't make.

White Collar Imposter

They lean more of how the universe began, but can't tell me where the market will end.

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

"I have complete confidence that the company will overcome its debt load."

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

"I say we buy. Hedge fund managers are flying low."

'It's called 'Creative Accounting'.'

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

'All these bailouts are silly - why don't they just give everybody their own ATM machines?'

'Oog decided to become a predatory LENDER.'

More toxic assets.

Metro Hospital

'My credit report. Well - they said it's the lowest ever, but on the flip side I'll be in the Guinness World Record book.'

'Dear shareholders, let me deliver a brief report on financial results...'

'When they said he was a 'dashing businessman' I didn't realize it meant he ran from his clients.'

Got Customers?

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."