Finance Funnies Gifts

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

More toxic assets.

Misunderstood Tax Adviser: Please Leave a Gift.

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"That was a rumor day."

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

Dog Beginning For A Loan

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

Masochism for stockholders.

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'I'd like to extend my overdraft...'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

'Apparently if the banks don't pay top whack then senior staff will go off and bugger up someone else's business.'

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

'Dear shareholders, let me deliver a brief report on financial results...'

"Love it!"

Coudl I go to jail for something I didn't do? I didn't pay my income tax!

Stock Market.

'Oog decided to become a predatory LENDER.'

"I'm sorry, Mr Weinstock can't see you at the moment - he's on the run."

Squirrel Pyramid Scheme