Finance Funniness Gifts

"Since interest rates are low, I'd like to refinance my bankruptcy."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"That was a rumor day."

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

A few Halloween costume ideas.

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

Dog Beginning For A Loan

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

Masochism for stockholders.

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'I'd like to extend my overdraft...'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

'Help! I ran my business like a government.'

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

'It's called 'Creative Accounting'.'

'We've discovered the Cave of Missing Accounting Ledgers.'

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."

'Apparently if the banks don't pay top whack then senior staff will go off and bugger up someone else's business.'