Nasdaq Nerd Gifts

"I'm Bobby. If you like the lemonade, perhaps you'd like to invest in the 'Jimmy's Lemonade' franchise, listed in NASDAQ..."

Great Chinese Dynasties

"Houston, we have a problem."

Pi Ala Mode.

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

WiFi Signals

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Yes, it is large for a smart phone, but then it does do absolutely everything.'

"Well, I'm studying mathematics and I'm sure that's tougher than math."

Astronaut finds used firework on the moon.

"Going to Mars sounded like fun. Do you think we can get dad to finance it?"

All-Purpose Obamatoon

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

Corporate Greed.

'That's where they keep all the money I don't have anymore.'

The End of Trump?

"No, unfortunately I won't be raising your debt ceiling."

'He's precocious.'

Pickle

'I'm important to note we really are trying hard.'

'The National Debt just sounds like it's a lot of money because it's such a large number.'

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

'Today the market roared back on news that greed is good for an ailing economy.'

'That damn racial scandal.'

'Trading was active in rumors, today...'

'Two new NBA franchises: The 'Wall Street Bulls' and the 'Main street bears'.'

'Houston, we have a problem. We're going to need a bigger toothbrush.'

'We're all wearing them - they were a gift from Warren Buffett.'

"D'you have any porn porn?"

We can't hear you! We can't see you! We can't hear you!

"This is not good at all!"

'Last night Warren Buffett came to me in a dream and whispered in my ear, but it was just sexual.'

"Labor Shortage? Why don't we just clone our employees"