Statistician Humorist Gifts

'Last quarter sales are up 100 percent. We went from one sale to two sales.'

Satis Factory Tour

"Statistically, people are more likely to die from heart disease than by getting hit with one of those."

"What part of no don't you understand?"

'I can't let him back in to play. He couldn't tell me what he's making this year.'

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

'Finally some good news on the economy: four out of five economists agree that 80% if economists agree.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

German School

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"What are you doing?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

'We froze him until medical science knows how to cure spear wounds.'