Statistical Satirist Gifts

'They say you have a better chance of being struck by lightening than of winning the lottery...I guess they're right!'

'...Of course I will, Norman, as if I'd leave you off.'

"You're fired."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Nation-building never works."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Flags

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Reagacentennial

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

"You're on a what?!"

'You can just forget about the cake.'

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

The International and May Day Terrorism

Donald Trump Removing Aggressor Label From Vladimir Putin

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

The economy.

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

"We won!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

The americanisation of vulture.

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"