Statistical Humor Enthusiast Gifts

This bar graph reminds people of a...

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

Trappist Monk Discord

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

HELLth Food Sprouts

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Clone Factory

Bell Curve. Bell Curve after a few beers.

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Inactivists"

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Pokemon Get Lost

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"As I understand, we stop refugees making dangerous journeys to a safe countey and offer them safe passage to a dangerous one..."

Trump Tariffs

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

Satis Factory Tour

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."