Statistician_humor Gifts

"And that's just us."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'We froze him until medical science knows how to cure spear wounds.'

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

Bell Curve. Bell Curve after a few beers.

SOUTH AFRICAN MUTANTS LAUGHING FIT

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

Satis Factory Tour

'Look - it's SUPERBUG!'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

Working On Silly String Theory.

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

"That's a meteor. If it hits the ground its a meteorite."

Just what is it that amoebas really want.

"We've concluded that an alarming percentage of the population are experiencing involuntary eye-rolling at the word 'inclusion'."

'STOP! You're injecting the wrong GMO gene!'

'Oh-oh, they're looking up at me ? I think they're on to us!'

'Number 20 is up. His batting average is 320 and his drug tests are negative.'

'...with a 38% chance that death do us part.'

"I see - Gravity keeps the Earth in orbit but love makes the world go 'round."

Julius and Isabella Dufferburger, statistically average family with their 2.5 children.

'Excuse me, where's the nanotechnology department?' - 'You just trod on it.'

Tetracycline: Bicycle built for 4 organisms.'

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

Economic Errata

'Finally some good news on the economy: four out of five economists agree that 80% if economists agree.'

Room for Error