Statistician_humor Gifts

"And that's just us."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'We froze him until medical science knows how to cure spear wounds.'

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

Bell Curve. Bell Curve after a few beers.

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

SOUTH AFRICAN MUTANTS LAUGHING FIT

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

'Look - it's SUPERBUG!'

Satis Factory Tour

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."

"That's a meteor. If it hits the ground its a meteorite."

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

Just what is it that amoebas really want.

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

'STOP! You're injecting the wrong GMO gene!'

"We've concluded that an alarming percentage of the population are experiencing involuntary eye-rolling at the word 'inclusion'."

'Oh-oh, they're looking up at me ? I think they're on to us!'

'Number 20 is up. His batting average is 320 and his drug tests are negative.'

"I see - Gravity keeps the Earth in orbit but love makes the world go 'round."

Julius and Isabella Dufferburger, statistically average family with their 2.5 children.

'...with a 38% chance that death do us part.'

'Excuse me, where's the nanotechnology department?' - 'You just trod on it.'

Tetracycline: Bicycle built for 4 organisms.'

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

'Finally some good news on the economy: four out of five economists agree that 80% if economists agree.'

Economic Errata

Room for Error

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."