Statistician With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

"Don't be so glum, Mr.Lee. These days over one in three marriages end in divorce. Try looking at it another way. You're lucky, - all the other ones end in death!"

Economic Errata

Covid 19 Bar Chart

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

Bell Curve. Bell Curve after a few beers.

"Now, who can I trust with a pie chart?"

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

Satis Factory Tour

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

"105% of the staff who completed 84% of the process were 95% sure that it was a 100% waste of time."

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

Julius and Isabella Dufferburger, statistically average family with their 2.5 children.

'...with a 38% chance that death do us part.'

Printout in a genetics laboratory forming dna double helix

'Well, it's official: The yearly statistics are out and our most common cause of death is by being squashed!'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'Finally some good news on the economy: four out of five economists agree that 80% if economists agree.'

Room for Error

"The bar charts show out clients overwhelmingly prefer pie charts."

'I can't let him back in to play. He couldn't tell me what he's making this year.'

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

'And the largest slice is mine.'

'He's okay otherwise, but I get sick and tired of hearing about his lifetime batting average of .325.'

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

'Yes, there's safety in numbers, but only when the number is large: Tight now, we have only a 50% chance of surviving a deadly attack...'

'Research shows people of my age, ethnicity, height, weight, residential preference and income, invest in demographics.'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

The latest twist on office football pools.

'This restores my faith in America. Over two million box tops sent in, and only 37 box bottoms.'

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

"Meaningless statistics were up one-point-five per cent this month over last month."

'Last quarter sales are up 100 percent. We went from one sale to two sales.'