Statistic Humorist Gifts

"Meaningless statistics were up one-point-five per cent this month over last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

UK/US Free Trade Deal

They're Not Just That Into It

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

The Solar System (after deregulation)

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

No-Work Orange

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

Trump! The Musical

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

She loves to play with string theory.

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."