Statistic Humorist Pillows

"Meaningless statistics were up one-point-five per cent this month over last month."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

UK/US Free Trade Deal

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

No-Work Orange

Trump! The Musical

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

She loves to play with string theory.

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"