Statistician Humorist Pillows

'Last quarter sales are up 100 percent. We went from one sale to two sales.'

Satis Factory Tour

"Statistically, people are more likely to die from heart disease than by getting hit with one of those."

"What part of no don't you understand?"

'I can't let him back in to play. He couldn't tell me what he's making this year.'

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

'Finally some good news on the economy: four out of five economists agree that 80% if economists agree.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'We froze him until medical science knows how to cure spear wounds.'

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'