Statistical Humorist Gifts

Room for Error

Bell Curve. Bell Curve after a few beers.

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'...with a 38% chance that death do us part.'

'It says here 70% of accidents happen at home. I guess we'd better spend the night at school.'

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

UK/US Free Trade Deal

They're Not Just That Into It

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Apples for sale

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Vlad the Impala

"Gee, thanks pal."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

No-Work Orange

Trump! The Musical

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"