Statistician Humor Lover Gifts

Julius and Isabella Dufferburger, statistically average family with their 2.5 children.

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

Bell Curve. Bell Curve after a few beers.

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

Satis Factory Tour

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

Bank Robbery Statistics

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

"Frankly, Harold, you're beginning to bore everyone with your statistics."

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'...with a 38% chance that death do us part.'

'17 of the 23 of the 456 people who returned 76 of the 12 questionnaires thought the statistics were meaningless.'

'Finally some good news on the economy: four out of five economists agree that 80% if economists agree.'

Economic Errata

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

Room for Error

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."

"The bar charts show out clients overwhelmingly prefer pie charts."

"You'll be pleased to know you're making good progress - you've just become a statistic."

'I can't let him back in to play. He couldn't tell me what he's making this year.'

'According to these statistics you'll probably outlive me...'

"Study after study shows that more and more people are participating in studies."

'The reminds me. Place your orders for the lunchtime pizza.'

'That's one of my earlier pieces.'

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

"So far, decliners outnumber advancers nine to seven."