Stats Comedian Gifts

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

Will work for ETFs

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

Money Bar.

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Cricket - The Pride of the Village.

"Pastrami. My favorite, Chad. But I asked for the 'sand wedge.'"

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

But under a different accounting convention ...

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

White Collar Crime.