Stats Comedian Gifts

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Albert Einstein

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

Will work for ETFs

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

Money Bar.

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"Pastrami. My favorite, Chad. But I asked for the 'sand wedge.'"

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

Cricket - The Pride of the Village.

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'