Math Comedian Gifts

"Some consider me the Pollock of calculus."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

Hexagon.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

Computation Lite, 13 Computations Than Our Regular Formulas.

'The batteries in my calculator just died. Good thing I kept the instructions on how to count on my fingers.'

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist. George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Professor Crenshaw finally traded in his slide rule for a calculator.'

Mobius Comic Strip.

The geometry of everyday life

With the aid of an abacus, Elizabeth Barrett Browning counts the ways.

"I'm sorry, Sam, but all of this doesn't add up to a hill of beans."

'My husband always loves your Poisson distribution - it's something to do with being a mathematician.'

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

"For her birthday I bought my wife an abacus...

Figure of Eight

"Is x the wrong angle?"

'Everyone says 'business is business' - But has anyone ever checked the math on that?'

"You know what we call a number that won't sit still?"

Shake well before using.

Maths Department with sum on door sign.

A Wrecked-angle.

'Assuming, of course, that a woodchuck could chuck wood.'

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.