Mathematical Humorist Gifts

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty to tax evasion by reason of math phobia.'

4 plus 3 = 9: 'Of course, that's just a ballpark figure...'

"....Never get into subtraction."

'My formula is incontrovertible proof that there is no such thing as a foolproof formula.'

Maths Department with sum on door sign.

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist. George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

Computation Lite, 13 Computations Than Our Regular Formulas.

'The batteries in my calculator just died. Good thing I kept the instructions on how to count on my fingers.'

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

Lola Knows More Than She Lets On

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Professor Crenshaw finally traded in his slide rule for a calculator.'

Mobius Comic Strip.

The geometry of everyday life

With the aid of an abacus, Elizabeth Barrett Browning counts the ways.

"Some consider me the Pollock of calculus."

"I'm sorry, Sam, but all of this doesn't add up to a hill of beans."

'My husband always loves your Poisson distribution - it's something to do with being a mathematician.'

A Wrecked-angle.

Figure of Eight

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

"Not again!"

Hexagon.

"For her birthday I bought my wife an abacus...

"Is x the wrong angle?"

"You know what we call a number that won't sit still?"

'Everyone says 'business is business' - But has anyone ever checked the math on that?'

'Assuming, of course, that a woodchuck could chuck wood.'