Math Humor Aficionado Gifts

"Sir, my dad is a professional gardener and he says there's no such thing as a square root."

'Everyone says 'business is business' - But has anyone ever checked the math on that?'

"Oh Johnny, I like you but not in that way. I'm a platonic solid."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'The batteries in my calculator just died. Good thing I kept the instructions on how to count on my fingers.'

Computation Lite, 13 Computations Than Our Regular Formulas.

Pi fight!

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

'Mathematician's Rap.'

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist. George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

"Please, Ms. Sweeney, may I ask where you're going with all this?"

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Professor Crenshaw finally traded in his slide rule for a calculator.'

The geometry of everyday life

With the aid of an abacus, Elizabeth Barrett Browning counts the ways.

Mobius Comic Strip.

'We're going to need a bigger basket.'

"Pi and mash squared please."

Home Schooled On The Range

The irony is that Euclid himself is way out of shape.

"I'm sorry, Sam, but all of this doesn't add up to a hill of beans."

'My husband always loves your Poisson distribution - it's something to do with being a mathematician.'

Euclidean Dog.

"Is x the wrong angle?"

Hillary's New Math

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

"For her birthday I bought my wife an abacus...