Math Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Assuming, of course, that a woodchuck could chuck wood.'

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

'May I be excused? The pressure is getting to me.'

"It was too difficult, sir. 28 students gave me 28 different results."

"You've learned about perfect numbers and irrational numbers, but have you ever seen angry numbers?"

"Well, I just proved your job doesn't exist, we'll have to let you go!"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

Computation Lite, 13 Computations Than Our Regular Formulas.

'The batteries in my calculator just died. Good thing I kept the instructions on how to count on my fingers.'

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist. George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

Mobius Comic Strip.

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Professor Crenshaw finally traded in his slide rule for a calculator.'

The geometry of everyday life

With the aid of an abacus, Elizabeth Barrett Browning counts the ways.

"Some consider me the Pollock of calculus."

"I'm sorry, Sam, but all of this doesn't add up to a hill of beans."

'My husband always loves your Poisson distribution - it's something to do with being a mathematician.'

Figure of Eight

Hexagon.

"For her birthday I bought my wife an abacus...

"Is x the wrong angle?"

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

Maths Department with sum on door sign.

'Everyone says 'business is business' - But has anyone ever checked the math on that?'

A Wrecked-angle.

"You know what we call a number that won't sit still?"

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'