Mathematical Humorists Gifts

"Stop using math to make me look bad."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

Computation Lite, 13 Computations Than Our Regular Formulas.

'The batteries in my calculator just died. Good thing I kept the instructions on how to count on my fingers.'

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist. George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

Mobius Comic Strip.

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Professor Crenshaw finally traded in his slide rule for a calculator.'

With the aid of an abacus, Elizabeth Barrett Browning counts the ways.

The geometry of everyday life

"Pi and mash squared please."

'We're going to need a bigger basket.'

The irony is that Euclid himself is way out of shape.

"Some consider me the Pollock of calculus."

"I'm sorry, Sam, but all of this doesn't add up to a hill of beans."

'My husband always loves your Poisson distribution - it's something to do with being a mathematician.'

"You know what we call a number that won't sit still?"

"Is x the wrong angle?"

'Everyone says 'business is business' - But has anyone ever checked the math on that?'

A Wrecked-angle.

"For her birthday I bought my wife an abacus...

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

Hillary's New Math

Hexagon.

Maths Department with sum on door sign.

Figure of Eight

'Assuming, of course, that a woodchuck could chuck wood.'