Calculation Comedian Gifts

Maths Department with sum on door sign.

'Simple mathematical error. Two plus two isn't four. It's twelve thousand eight hundred and four.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

Yes, they are all dependants."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

Computation Lite, 13 Computations Than Our Regular Formulas.

'The batteries in my calculator just died. Good thing I kept the instructions on how to count on my fingers.'

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist. George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

How DNA molecules combine.

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Professor Crenshaw finally traded in his slide rule for a calculator.'

The geometry of everyday life

With the aid of an abacus, Elizabeth Barrett Browning counts the ways.

'We're going to need a bigger basket.'

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'

"Pi and mash squared please."

The irony is that Euclid himself is way out of shape.

'My husband always loves your Poisson distribution - it's something to do with being a mathematician.'

"Some consider me the Pollock of calculus."

"I'm sorry, Sam, but all of this doesn't add up to a hill of beans."

Figure of Eight

"Fever, chills and dizziness. Sounds like you have a Math test at work today."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"Is x the wrong angle?"

Hexagon.

Hillary's New Math