Calculus Comedian Gifts

Shake well before using.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

Don't you hate...

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

Yes, they are all dependants."

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

'Catch this!'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

'The batteries in my calculator just died. Good thing I kept the instructions on how to count on my fingers.'

Computation Lite, 13 Computations Than Our Regular Formulas.

'It's a government funded study to find out how many wrongs make a right.'

'If your cell phone has five hundred minutes, and you use one of them during this class, how long will you be in detention?'

Lola Knows More Than She Lets On

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"Mom, Dad, college changed me."

'According to my calculations, George, you don't exist. You... don't... exist. George. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

"For the hundredth time—I have no idea how to make crystal meth."

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Entrance code to MENSA club - 'To enter, simply type in the square root of Pi.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'