Financial Comedian Gifts

IRS, 'Try to be a little more prompt with your return next year, sir -- We almost ran out of welfare money!'

If the Fed can loosen it's money supply, why can't you?

'You have too many credit cards. I think you have a debt wish.'

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

HA HA PAID NO TAXES

Financial Shortfall

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

'Eddie, how about emerging Far East funds? The rumor is that China will come out with a velcro chopstick!'

'Sorry, but Watford is not a tax heaven!'

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'Everyone else is getting a Stimulus Package, mine just happens to be in a Pint.'

"The Scrimpshaws have finally decided to deposit their savings."

Heat or Eat

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

Loan Alley

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

Money Bar.

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.