Staff Development Coordinator Gifts

'Before I answer your question, let me briefly review my list of strategies for dealing with difficult people.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Busy office.

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

The role of administration.

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Sales.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

Targets.

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."