Staff Development Day Gifts

'Recent research has shown that a spycam can greatly improve the honor code.'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"Staff support"

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

Team Leader

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Teamwork

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

Busy office.

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'