Staff Meeting Gifts

"You have to learn to relax, even though I'm creeping you out."

'This is our real-time chat room.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"The meeting will come to order."

Group Think Time

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'These are job perks.'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'I never get a good night's sleep. Thank God for these office meetings!'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

Busy office.

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'