Staff Meeting Pillows

"You have to learn to relax, even though I'm creeping you out."

'This is our real-time chat room.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"The meeting will come to order."

Multi-tasking.

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'These are job perks.'

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'I never get a good night's sleep. Thank God for these office meetings!'

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Busy office.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'