Staff Training Session Gifts

'I bet he starts with a joke!'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

Speed of assimilation VS New team members

"I think we should try something a little simpler."

Targets.

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

'Who wants the talking stick?'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"I know it’s a challenge, but it needs your input!" "...Your breadth of knowledge of different interest groups, religions...cultures!" "Right, so the staff Christmas meal will be a traditional lacto-vegan one at a Thai restaurant sometime in March?" "Do you think the Pagans will be OK with that?"

'All right, gentlemen, this is the current picture of our growth industry!'

Whack, Out of Whack.

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

Friday 5.30pm.

'It's from my staff...make sure it's not carnivorous.'

There's going to be a lot of this around here.

"Oops! Wrong plug."

If found, please return to cubicle L-325.

Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

"This report is replete with errors, distortions and downright lies, yet I find its moral message quite uplifting."

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

'Get a new hair-do, join a health club, call your mother...'

'Remember, only the consumer is still consumer concious.'

'You're not being paranoid. You have every reason to fear losing your job.'