Staff Trainer Gifts

It's ALWAYS important to listen no matter HOW someone wants to communicate...And this is my dance of the third quarter improved productivity figures.

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

'Have I told you how much I value your work?'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Businesswoman Empowerment

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"