Employee Trainer Gifts

"There's always a period of adjustment whenever you hire a new crew."

'The Government says we have to have diversity training for birds of a feather who flock together.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

Businesswoman Empowerment

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Bo're'droom

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Inclusive speech