Employee Training Gifts

'Dean, for you, the stress management seminar is not, I repeat, not optional.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Brian was very proud of his dog.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Overjumpers

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

"Shake! Good Dog."

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Not a bad list kiddo, but I know them all! I've told you it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks..."

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

Hanging off every word...

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

Children jumping onto mattress in PE.