Management Meeting Gifts

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

"The meeting will come to order."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'