Company Meeting Gifts

'...so the Marketing Department suggested I try a slide presentation.'

"We fired our legal department and bought a paper shredder instead!"

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"And so as a hedge against this trend, the directors have decided to invest heavily in red ink."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"For an up to date picture, I suggest we reconvene under the table."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

Bo're'droom

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."